Parents Differing on How to Raise Children

Raising children is a responsibility that is shared by both parents instead … Raising children is a shared responsibility - a trust, which Allah has empowered only to parents,each according to his position and ability, and this responsibility cannot be restricted to one of them.

Islam teaches every parent of its shared responsibility in the best and most successful manner, which is by means of discussion and consultation. This also results in a happy family, and results in successful rearing of children.

Let’s say, if the parents of the child agree to wean him before he is two years old, and they think that this is good for him,they consult one another and mutually decide on it.. It’s important to note that if one of the parents take a decision, that is not sufficient. This is safer for the child and ensures that his interests will be looked after. By the mercy of God towards us, He has set out clear guidelines to allthe parents in raising their children, which must be mutually shared, in their best interests and the child’s.

Some studies indicate that many marital problems that lead to divorce are caused by the absence of this matter in the marriage, namely consultation in family life, or by some error in implementing it. Discussion and consultation is an art and a science which must be practised and exercised and understood.

It is natural that parents’ opinions concerning shared responsibilities, such as rearingchildren, may differ which could be due todifferences in the parents’ backgrounds, or because of some relatives’ interference, or other factors.. This should not lead to a crisis unless the parents fail to reach an appropriate way of dealing with this difference of opinion.

The parents can also find some trustworthy specialists in child-rearing, so they can consult them and ask their opinions concerning the specific point of conflict. if the parents fearserious repercussions that difference in opinion on child-rearing will have on the son’s personality, Then it must be overcome.

The message that the father wants to convey may be lost and its effects may be weakened if the mother gives a different message, and that may lead to the son choosing the message that suits him, and in many case he will come up with a third solution, based on his own whims and desires. This means that it will be difficult for the son to distinguish between right and wrong, and this is the greatest threat to a sound upbringing. Differences with respect to to child-rearing may lead hatred towards the child’s parents and may lead to greater and severe problems at a later stage, based on the depth of the differences between the parents. So it is essential that both parents have agreement and at the outset neither of them will send a different message to the child especially in front of them. If there is any comment or disagreement to be voiced, then it should be delayed until they can discuss it away from the children.

It is also very important for the parents to interact with one another honestly and sincerely. It is not appropriate, for one of the parents to pretend to the other that he or she agrees with a specific point of child-rearing, when in fact he or she thinks otherwise and does not do that. The other party will soon discover the deception and there will be a loss of trust between the parents with regard to raising the children, which will only lead to further problems, whereas being honest, consulting one another and coming to mutual agreements will lead to overcoming this difference of opinion and will help the parents to overcome other differences too, when they get used to consulting one another and working things out together.